It so happened that I was home last Sunday morning when usually I am out. At 10.30am, I realised there was a class on Zoom by Ustazah HJ which I had never attended before. I didn’t even know what it was about and it was already half an hour into the class. But I was free and the kids were not home so I logged in.
Upon hearing what Ustazah H was talking about, I knew I was meant to hear this. Behind the sweet smiles and gentle demeanour was a powerful message that she had for mothers. She was going through the lessons from the life of Sayyidatina Khadijah and the lesson was for mothers. I quickly paid attention to every word. These are mostly paraphrased since I hardly took down notes that morning.
She said that although it’s always said how successful a businesswoman Sayyidatina Khadijah was, and how supportive she was of her husband, Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, it’s seldom said that she had many workers who did the job for her while she looked after her own children. She did not pass on the job of raising her children to someone else.
But Ustazah H said that what is different now is that we do not have a trusted community like what they used to have. She said that in the past, children could play outside and parents knew they were in good company and it would be safe, but we don’t have that anymore. In fact, her teachers said that what is out there, both physically and virtually, is now dangerous for children. She did not elaborate on this but we know this is true. And I got proof of it the very next day, which I may talk about another time.
So without the support of the community, the burden is heavier on mothers now to look after her children on her own without much help from others. She said that being pushed into this heavy responsibility is a blessing that Allah ﷻ has prepared for mothers to elevate her ranks, reward her abundantly and cause her to rely only in Him. She narrated what her teachers had said that because of this demanding responsibility, it has caused some mothers to be elevated to the ranks of the awliya. SubhanAllah.
Ustazah H said that everyone is wondering what it would be like to do something else. A single woman might be wishing she is married and is a mother, a stay-home mother might be wishing she has a career, a career woman might be wishing she could stay home to look after her children, and so on. What is important is that we focus and excel in the path that Allah ﷻ has laid for us. If we are a mother, be like Sayyidatina Khadijah. If we are a businesswoman, be like Sayyidatina Khadijah too.
And we have to realise that the child is the fruit of love from Allah ﷻ. Every child is a manifestation of Allah’s different blessings. One child may test our patience all the time, and it could be that Allah ﷻ wants to raise us in the station of sabr. And another child could be sickly, and it could be that Allah ﷻ wants to raise us in the station of tawakkul. Ustazah said many don’t realise this so after one week of HBL, she has read a lot of rantings on social media from tired mothers who call their children monsters or who can’t wait to get rid of their children (ie. send them back to school).
Our children shouldn’t be made to feel indebted to us. She said that if we know that we owe a huge debt to someone, would we be happy and excited to meet that person? She said that she knows of mothers amongst the pious who would thank their children openly by saying, “Jazakumullahu khair. Because of you, I have become a mother and can get closer to Allah.” And the child will say to the mother, “Jazakumullahu khair, ummi. Because of you, I can serve you as a child and get closer to Allah.” And that is how they acknowledge the huge blessings that Allah ﷻ has bestowed upon them.
There is much more to write but I shall stop here for now. May Allah ﷻ allow us to see the huge blessings He has bestowed upon us and to always be in a state of shukr. Aameen 💖